Unimaginable

Well... my dad had a stroke. It happened some time last night or this morning. My mom woke up and he didn't respond. She called 911 and when they arrived they told her it was a stroke. He cannot move his left side, cannot look left, and has very slurred speech. I am not ready for this.

I was with him in the ER today and was struggling to understand what he was saying. It sounded like, "I'm tired. Go to God." I told him that if that was what he wanted then that was ok. But, I said, "I'm not ready to tell you goodbye yet." He tried to smile. We said a few more things to each other that are just too painful to type and my eyes are tearing up. I am not ready. I am just not ready.

If God decides to take him..... then I know he is with Jesus. I will have to help mom and stay strong. But you know what? I'll let you in on a little secret. I am not very strong, other people just think I am. Sometimes I am selfish. Sometimes I just want a strong shoulder to cry on myself. Sometimes, I want to stop hurting.
I want my dad to be alright. I am scared that he won't be.

Pray for us. Pray for my dad. Pray I stay strong. Pray.