Doubts

Tonight at Starbuck's we were talking about finding faith through doubt. It seems like a backwards way to go about finding faith, but I think it makes sense. We discussed how the opposite of doubt would be indifference. I do not think doubters are indifferent. I just don't think they have made a commitment to believe, or they are suffering and it has caused them to ask God, "Why?" or "If there is a God, why am I suffering?" The questions can take many different forms, but the cause is always the same. . . something isn't right, so why hasn't God fixed it? I want something now, why hasn't God delivered? I want someone healed, why hasn't God done it? Sound familiar?

I don't think those cries are cries of indifference. They sound more like longings of a heart yearning to know why. If you or I didn't believe in God, then why would we be asking the questions in the first place. Even in doubt, we are asking God questions, just daring him to answer and reveal himself to be true... or he remains silent and we feel vindicated for doubting in the first place. It's as if we say, "I knew he didn't really exsist all along."

Looking back on my life, I remember a time when I wondered why God was having me go through the pain of singleness. I was trying to be content. I wanted to be obedient. I just didn't understand why I would be wired up to have a desire to be married, and then to have my marriage fall apart. I didn't understand it. I prayed to God asking for answers. In the meantime, I tried to keep things together, but it just didn't work.

When things didn't work out the way I expected... then what? Well, I prayed that I would find contentment in whatever situation I was in. Some days were easier than others. God was slowly teaching me that I had to rely on him even when I didn't understand, even when I doubted, even when I thought he had totally forgotten me and wasn't hearing my prayers. God had a plan all along. I just didn't know what it was.

So, back to doubting. If you find yourself doubting God, or doubting that He exists, rest easy. We all have doubted from time to time. It's natural. Pray for understanding and wisdom. Pray for a listening ear and then talk to that person about your doubts. Say them out loud. Talk them out. Write them down. Be an active thinker, look for your answers.