New Underwear

It's funny how things change. Change is inevitable but it isn’t always comfortable at the beginning. I heard someone say that change is like new underwear; it feels funny at first but then it like becomes a part of you. Silly, but when you think about it… it’s true.

My dad has changed. The changes range from simple to complex. He cannot move his left arm or leg and finds it puzzling. I don’t know if it always registers with him that he has lost this ability. He asked us to move his left foot and prop it up on his right foot. After we moved it, he stared at it as if he wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.

The one kind of funny thing that has changed is his vocabulary. He comes up with large words and quirky phrases that seem surprising when you remember that he’s had a stroke. He has also begun to use words that are rather colorful…. I think the stroke has damaged his filter. It is difficult not to laugh when one of these babies pop out!

Sometimes the change is heart-breaking. I can see a look cross his face that reminds me of a small child that is confused by what he sees. I pray that this look leaves as time goes by and his abilities improve. He is so much better than he was 3 weeks ago, but he has such a long road ahead. He tends to focus on the daily needs, pains, and discomforts. Each day is different and brings new conversations, demands, and concerns.

He is still my dad on the outside even with his decreased mobility. On the inside, his personality is slowly coming through… and it is a treat to see him smile and absolutely a joy to hear him laugh. I am enjoying the discovery of new changes in my dad and I am deeply touched when I find that his sense of humor is still intact. We were having a “moment” the other day over ice, the spoon, and “the process” of spooning it into his mouth. I wasn’t spooning the ice in his mouth fast enough and so he took the cup away from me. His hand wasn’t steady and he spilled the ice on his blanket. He looked at me as if I did it. I managed to get things cleaned up, a spoon was procured, and after he consumed ½ a cup of ice, we both calmed down. I said, “Well, Dad, you seem calm now.” “Yep,” he replied. To which I responded with, “I thought you were going to punch me. And I thought I was going to punch you back.” “Yep,” he said. Then with a twinkle in his eye, he looked at me and said, “The score is zero / zero. It’s a tie.” I saw him chuckle and we both just cracked up. He patted my hand and smiled.

He has changed, yes - that’s true. But on the inside, he’s still my dad. God love him.